Graham's Write-Up

Hi All

Graham Gardner’s obituary was printed today in the Boston Globe. I hesitate to call it an obit, actually, because it is so NOT the stereotypical write-up. It is beautiful, and moving, and compassionate – very much like Graham himself, as I remember him.

After much thought and careful consideration, I am going to post the write-up here. Our Jabberwocky family runs wide and deep: spanning countries and continents. Not everyone has access to the Globe. Still, as family, most would want to be included in information such as this.

I have – in the past – had need to post similar Camp-related information. While most of you appreciated being kept informed, others clearly did not, and felt the need to let me know it through personal digs and comments. The messages were always directed toward me, and not at all toward Camp, so … whatever.

Though it makes me more cautious, I remain firm in my belief that we are a family. Families go through fun times, and tough times, times filled with laughter, and times peppered with tears. But strong families stick together, and try to stay informed.

So again I’m telling you, please take heed: if you do not want to experience this beautifully written synopsis of our dear friend and brother, Graham Gardner, read no further.

With the utmost respect…
and of course, jabber love,
faith


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Graham H. Gardner,22; "angel in the service of God"
by Bryan Marquard, Globe Staff l February 18, 2010.

By common measures, Graham Hale Gardner could not communicate. Traveling in a wheelchair or a jogging stroller that accommodated his 110 pounds, he uttered not a word, and Cerebral Palsy rendered his hands unfit to navigate a keyboard.

Instead, blue-green eyes that seemed flecked with gold, sent silent messages to the complete strangers drawn to his side. He had the kind of silky brown hairthat people want to run their hands through, and many did.

"His face had a radiance, and he had a beautiful benevolence about him, so that when he looked at you and connected with you, you felt like the sun shone on your whole being," said his mother Cynthia. "He just made you a better person, with his incredible grace and kindness, and it was all done without conventional words."

Her son loved water. Buoyed by a flotation collar, he drifted beatifically in pools and oceans where waves soothed his recalcitrant muscles. While swimming with his father earlier this month at the YMCA in Marblehead, he suffered a seizure, went into cardiac arrest, and died February 7 in Salem Hospital. He was 22.

Dr. Steven Gardner had brought his son to live in his Salem home just five weeks earlier, a few months after Graham completed a decade at Crotched Mountain School in Greenfield, New Hampshire, which offers residential private special education up to age 21.

"There was this sort of paradoxical gift," Steven Gardner said. "That is, Graham was incredibly needy and required help from other people, but those other people inevitably benefited in profound ways by being with him. That was his gift. This gift allows others to be more loving, and to spread that around. Once someone was affected that way, it became a ripple in a pond affecting those around that person."

Mr. Gardner also gave in a way that could be measured in monetary terms. In 2008, he and his father rode a modified tandem bicycle in the Pan-Mass challenge. Inspired to participate by the death of one of Graham's friends from Camp Jabberwocky, a summer retreat on Martha's Vineyard for the disabled, they raised $16,000 for the Jimmy Fund.

"Graham was the athlete, and I was just lending him some muscle power," his father said. "We found a profound togetherness. When we did sports like that: bicycling, kayaking, windsurfing, skiing. Inside his body was an incredibly gentle soul, generous and patient and compassionate to the people who assisted him all the time. And he was a fun guy."

He was born in Salem Hospital, perhaps 100 yards from where he died. Mr. Gardner's birth did not herald the life he would lead. His mother was a vegetarian who had run marathons, and who walked 5 miles the day he was born.

Nothing seemed amiss at first. He was peaceful for three weeks, then started crying and did not stop. At three months, Mr. Gardner was evaluated at Massachusetts General Hospital, "and they said that 'He has profound brain damage,'" his mother said.

As the crying subsided, something about Mr. Gardner was clear to everyone who looked at him, even as he grew up.

"He had a calmness about him, and he had eyes that looked right into your soul," said his on, Mary Robb Jackson of Pittsburgh. "You always wished you could unlock what he was thinking, because he really looked out into the world in a special way."

Mr. Gardner's parents parted ways before he turned 4. He lived in Marblehead with his mother, who insisted that he be allowed to attend public schools, where he forged a path for other children, with significant disabilities. He also introduced classmates to the world of students who could go to school even if they couldn't run and play.

"The children would be waiting for him every single morning," his mother said. "The kids just completely embraced everything because he succeeded in showing them that this was possible."

At 11, he began living at Crotched Mountain School, returning to his mother's home every weekend. Days in Marblehead meant five-mile treks through neighborhoods, past houses, and shores. He reveled in the elements, welcoming all weather as he rolled along in the jogging stroller, viewing the world through wraparound sunglasses.

"I'd go on walks with him, and I was simply invisible," his mother said. "People knew who he was. They had met him in school, or they had a communion with him. That was just extraordinary."

Said his aunt: "Graham did not have any of that extraneous baggage, the things that get in the way of our lives and the way we relate to the world around us. His was a pure, absolute, innocent love and response to his life and the people around him and the things that brought him joy."

Using adaptive equipment, he could stand and move in a dance of sortswhen his mother played music by the Allman Brothers or the Beatles. Journeying with his father on spring break from school, Mr. Gardner went to the Bahamas, where the water was luxurious and the sunsets peaceful.

"We danced every Saturday morning," his mother said. "We lit candles every day for every meal, because every day is a celebration. There wasn't a day when I didn't think God for his presence."

Constricted muscles could make simple movements a chore, but sometimes "he could gently reach over and put his hand on your thigh as you were driving the car as if to say 'It's OK, I'm here,'" his mother said.

"Graham was very happy to be of this world, and God knows we were very blessed to have him," his aunt said.

"A life well loved as a life well lived, and he was loved for lifetime. In those 23 years," his mother said of her son, who was a month shy of his birthday. "Lucky us."

The family plans to hold a memorial service at 2 p.m. Saturday in Old North Church in Marblehead.

After Mr. Gardner died, his parents and a funeral director completed forms filled mostly with routine questions.

"He looked at us and said,' what was Graham's profession?' We looked at each other, and Cynthia said 'Well, I guess angel,'" his father said." The funeral director looked at us as if to say 'Are you serious?' and we said,' Yes, we are; put that down.' And the next line was employer, and we said, 'well, God.' And darned if this guy didn't write it down."

A few days later, the document arrived in the mail from the state. And it says, "Graham Hale Gardner, angel in the service of God."

More info about Graham G services

Hi All

By now, i hope you all are aware that Graham's services are scheduled for Saturday, February 20th at 2 pm.

It is to be held at the Old North Church in Marblehead, MA. Directions can be found in previous posts. The Old North Church is wheelchair accessible, and "an accepting community for all..."

All of this is news you've read before, i know...

The *new* news is that immediately following the services, there will be a reception at the Boston Yacht club. i believe directions will be given at the service itself. from what i am told it is in close proximity to the services.

The Gardners assure us that we are welcome. They say that it "wouldn't be the same without Camp family."

What a wonderful way to spend time celebrating Graham's life and his impact in our own. if you can make it, you are welcomed.

jabber love,
faith

Info CORRECTION re: Graham Gardner

HI ALL

There has been a change in the plans for Graham Gardner's Memorial Service. It is *NOT* being held on Sunday, Feb 21st. The service has been moved to SATURDAY, Feb. 20th.

Memorial Services for Graham will be held SATURDAY, FEB 20th @ 2pm in the OLD NORTH CHURCH in MARBLEHEAD, MA.

here is info i received in an email from Jeff C. this morning:

=========================================

Funeral Service Information for Graham Gardner (confirmed)

Funeral Service for Graham Gardner will be held on Saturday, February 20th. The service will take place at Old North Church in Marblehead at 2 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, please make donations to:
BASS RIVER DAY ACTIVITY PROGRAM INC
437 ESSEX ST
BEVERLY, MA
01915-1311


Directions to Old North Church (First Church of Christ):


Old North Church is located at 35 Washington Street.

Coming into Marblehead from Salem and Route 114
Stay on Route 114 which is Pleasant Street. At the end of Pleasant Street, go left on Washington Street.

Coming into Marblehead from Swampscott and Route 129
Route 129 is Atlantic Avenue. Stay on Atlantic Avenue until you come to a five-way intersection. Take a right on to Washington Street.

Our parking lot and offices are across from the church at 8 Stacey Street.

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Thanks for your attention. I apologize for any confusion.

Jabber love,
faith

More info about Graham G services

Information sent to me by Jeff Caruthers....


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Ross Lilley's update with information about Graham's Memorial Service.
Can you get out some information about Graham's service to the Jabberwocky community? First, I think we're shooting for the 21st at 2 p.m. at Old North Church in Marblehead.


Second, donations are to be made to: Bass River Inc., 437 Essex St., Beverly, MA 01915. This is a program which was terrific for Graham and very close to the Gardner's hearts. No flowers please but donations in Graham's name to Bass River.


Directions to Old North Church (First Church of Christ):


Old North Church is located at 35 Washington Street.

Coming into Marblehead from Salem and Route 114
Stay on Route 114 which is Pleasant Street. At the end of Pleasant Street, go left on Washington Street.

Coming into Marblehead from Swampscott and Route 129
Route 129 is Atlantic Avenue. Stay on Atlantic Avenue until you come to a five-way intersection. Take a right on to Washington Street.

Our parking lot and offices are across from the church at 8 Stacey Street.

===============================

I believe that the church would be accessible, but double-checking could never hurt.

i will post more info as i get it,

jabber love
faith

Just to re-iterate

Hi All

I spoke to Lynne Wolf from the Board of Directors of Camp this afternoon. Plans for memorial services for Graham Gardner have not yet been finalized. The one thing we do know for certain is that they will *not* be held this upcoming weekend. The latest we have heard is that they will most likely be held on Feb. 21st, but again, this has not been confirmed.

Location and time of services have also not been confirmed.

I will let you know what is decided as soon as i hear something more concrete.

thanks and
jabber love,

faith

Update on Memorial Services for Graham

Hello All

The memorial Services for Graham Gardner will be held Sunday, Feb. 21st. Time and place yet to be finalized, but the latest information that i have is that services will be held somewhere in Marblehead.

I will continue to keep you updated as i learn more.

Jabber love,
faith

Sad news...

This morning, our beloved Graham Gardener passed away. I do not know many of the details. I do know it was shockingly unexpected. By all accounts, Graham was having a marvelous winter, and - as i understand it - went swimming at the Y with Dr. Steve yesterday afternoon.

From what i can gather, it was there that Graham had a seizure. He was rushed to the hospital, and passed away there early this morning.

A memorial service is currently being planned. I do not know details as of yet, but will pass them along as soon as I have them.

If you would like to send expressions of sympathy, the addresses of Graham's parents are as follows:

Cynthia Gardner
17 Gallison Ave
Marblehead, MA 01945

Dr. Steve Gardner
20 Andrew Street
Salem, MA 01970

Again, i will let you know more details as i can.

Hug everyone a little tighter tonight.

jabber love,
faith

Ask and ye shall receive...

Here it is, folks. The first non-faith post of February. Courtesy of Maggie Raemer:

===========================

A few weekends ago my friend, Rachel and I planned and organized a benefit concert at my school to raise money for Project Bread's Walk for Hunger in May. We worked hard to advertise and plan the event, selling food and providing information about the issue of hunger in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, not a lot of people from my school showed up at the concert, but I got an even better surprise! During the show, i turned around to see Michelle, Kaitlin and Kaitlin's friend, Alex walk into the theatre. And next to them? KENDRA! None of them had informed me that they were coming to the concert, and it made me SO happy to see them there! After i realized what was going on, i started to cry tears of joy! It meant so much to me that they took time out of their busy days to pick up Kendra and drive all the way to my school (located in the middle of NOWHERE) to support me. We had such a good time, and of course, Kendra now has a few boyfriends from my school! A BIG thank you to Michelle, Kaitlin, Alex and Kenny! Love you all!

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Now see, this is the stuff i love to write about. Surprises. Impromptu adventures: full of Jabberwocky support, friendship, and love.

Nice job Michelle, Kaitlin, Alex, and Kendra. Your field trip made Maggie's day!

Keep these stories coming! :)

jabber love,

faith

February!

Hi Folks

Welcome to another month here at the Jabberwocky blog. There wasn't much news in January it seems - i didn't get any news, or stories, or adventures to post. No camp musings or ponderings from any of my fellow family members. And i wasn't sure how people felt about my January musings, so...

All's quiet on the homefront.

BUT THIS IS A NEW MONTH! so let's get things rolling folks. Share news, share jokes, share adventures... let's all keep in touch. I'm sure *some of you* will have a Valentine story or two to tell, right? ;)

jabber love,
faith